Holy WTF?, Batman!

Posted on March 10, 2009
Filed Under personal | 7 Comments

I very rarely look at stats for this website, but I very briefly got curious about them today, when I realized how infrequently I’ve been blogging lately, and considering how most of it these days has been about my exercise routine. So I went and had a look, and while I was there, out of vague curiosity, I looked at my Ban plugin.

Yes, I have a ban plugin installed, that prevents visitors from any IP that I specify. I installed it late last year because of an erstwhile troll that promised he would not defame me on his site anymore, and would stop posting comments here. I asked him to stop visiting here, but in the light of his behaviour in the past, and the strange special status I’d taken on in his mind — apparent from his rants about how boring my site is, and about how it has so many more readers than his, and about how I’m an “aspiring writer” (I’m not, I’m a writer, period) — it seemed as if he had  developed some kind of unhealthy obsession with me.

Well, when I checked the Ban plugin stats, I found that he’d (apparently) made 32 attempted visits. Apparently is in brackets there because:

All those look like long shots to me, though; it looks pretty apparent that since late December, this guy has tried no less than 32 times to visit my website from his home. (Who knows how many more times he’s visited from cafes equipped with wifi, from other computers in his workplace, from PCs at the local computer store, and so on?)

It’s disturbing, mostly, that someone would continue to read my website after an all-out, public spat in which he pretends to take the high ground, pretends moral superiority, and then claims he will leave things alone. It’s weird that someone out there has taken it upon himself to declare me his internet nemesis, and I don’t really grasp the psychodrama that he seems to need in order to get through his day.

Is this symptomatic of something? Is this what deeply unhappy people do to distract themselves from lives that feel empty? Instead of facing their own problems, pains, struggles, and challenges, they fixate on external enemies and create whole Tarantino-style Broadway musicals about conflicts with them, played out inside their heads and on computer screens? It’s a very weird world we’ve arrived in, isn’t it?

And the effect is one that I’ve seen drive other people into anonymity. I have at least two friends online who have one or more internet identities, one for public posting and one for more private stuff. When I consider blogging about personal matters — the kinds of things I wouldn’t have hesitated about before — I pause, and think of how this guy might use it in a post on his own little blog in some neglected corner of blogspot. Crowing about this problem, cackling with glee over this challenge, howling with vindication at any little sign of heartbreak. It makes me want to present a very solid, unified, and, well, public persona here. Which is hard for me, because usually on this blog, WYSIWYG: what you see is what you get. I like to think I’m not much different in person, though bloggers I’ve met might argue I am much different in person. (I’m not sure, though I’d get a kick out of any who wish to weigh in here.)

If you’re the person I’m talking about–you’ll know if you are, and some longtime readers will guess who I’m talking about, but I haven’t named you here and won’t do so unless you give me reason to, like subsequent attempted visits, so I ask that you don’t throw another hissyfit, and attempt to publicly defame you, since that’s not what I’m doing. There’s not a single link here to your site, nothing for Google to pick up when people search your name. But for your own sake, for your wife’s sake, you ought to do what is suggested in the ban message that you’ve seen 32 times: it’s time to get help. This thing is out of control, and if you just sit down and talk about it with someone, you’ll see just how unhealthy and destructive this is.

Talk, don’t stalk.

Comments

7 Responses to “Holy WTF?, Batman!”

  1. kangmi on March 10th, 2009 4:43 pm

    One can hardly blame anyone who maintains more than one online identity–it’s not just about the crazy people.

    I don’t count myself as a Tarantino fan, but I love your image of a Tarantino-style Broadway musical.

  2. Mark on March 12th, 2009 2:02 pm

    I was unaware that a ban had been placed on me: I have no desire to boost your page hits. When you last wrote, I was 90% sure that you were going to leave things as they were, and after reading this post I’m 100% certain that you want to leave things as they are.

    It was easy enough to verify that you weren’t writing about me with a quick google search:

    blank site:gordsellar.com

    And that’s all I’d been doing since we last communicated. I checked some of your posts that I’d linked to in my last post a few days ago. When I did a google search it looked like they had been changed. After checking the posts out (I had no problem accessing the content) I realized that nothing had been changed.

    Again, as previously noted, I’m happy to leave things the way they are. If someone in the area is being blocked from this web page, it ain’t me. I assure you, I have no interest in reading your blog unless you link to me, mention me by name, etc.

  3. gordsellar on March 13th, 2009 12:15 am

    I have grave misgivings about responding, Mark, because I’ve learned that trolls feed on engagement, and that one should not feed the trolls. However, three questions immediately come to mind:

    1. How come you’re seeing this post at all? I thought you just search my website for posts mentioning you by name, or linking to you. This post does neither. So how did you even notice it, let alone come to comment on it and out yourself as the person under discussion? The obvious conclusion is that your claim not to be reading the site is false, and you’re reading it either occasionally, and just happened to see this; or on a regular basis by RSS feed, which would bypass the ban, or via proxy. Either way, your reading this post by pure chance is unlikely, and a response with your real name is still more unlikely.

    (Though the tone of the comment above and the writing style seem familiar enough that I don’t think this is an impostor.)

    2. If you had no problem accessing the content, then either you’ve moved to Florida, you’re on vacation, on a business trip, or you’re lying. After all, the IP from which your comment was posted is 74.50.104.2, which is located in Tampa, not New England. I’m thinking a proxy came into play somewhere when you found your home and work IPs both blocked. And the likelihood that someone else is now using that IP after you did so for a year seems slim, to me.

    3. Given the two above: the apparent use of a proxy following a series of blocked attempts to access the site, and the quick response to a post that neither mentions you directly nor links to your site, one cannot escape the conclusion you’re still following this site on a regular basis through some workaround or other. Which raises the question of why you’re trying to convince me you’re not, which is several degrees of ick.

    There’s nothing I can do to stop you visiting, of course, if you really want to. But it’s sort of sad that you still want to so badly. No, wait, it’s not sort of sad… it’s just sad.

    I herein reserve the right to disemvowel all your comments, retroactively. Because I’m sure you won’t like the fact I’ve pointed out these apparent self-contradictions.

  4. Mark on March 13th, 2009 7:38 am

    5000 + words and counting.

    troll site:gordsellar.com

    I consider this post to be within the letter of our understanding, if not exactly the spirit, so I will not respond to it on my website. I’ll give you a mulligan this time.

    I’m not quite the Super Bad Ass Ninja hacker that you are, so all I can guess is that you might have entered the wrong IP, or got the wrong address. I don’t really care either way. Until a few days ago, I have not tried to access your website, but when I did, I had no problems viewing any of the content on your site.

    Again, I’m happy to leave things as they are.

  5. gordsellar on March 13th, 2009 8:40 am

    Mark,

    Yeah, posting wordcounts. You know, the fact I’m verbose is neither good nor bad, objectively speaking, no matter how many times you hold it up as some form of infantile indictment. I guess it’s a sign of desperation that you keep a running count of how many words I spend on the fact you’re stalking me. But it just makes you look childish, and makes my readers wonder what your continuing fetishistic obsession with my website is. (As several have commented on mirrors of this post elsewhere, or by email.)

    At least you know you’re a troll, if you use the word to search for references of yourself. Now if you could just stop visiting my site, I’d appreciate it. Remember: this is a response to you trying to visit after I’ve asked you not to. In this, in your continued searching of my site, you have violated our “understanding” and had you not done so, I would not have posted this post in the first place.

    As for your sloppy “wrong-IP” claim, sorry Mark, but anyone can use a proxy. And that’s what you’re using, I’m sure of it. After all, my website isn’t grabbing the “wrong IP” — it doesn’t do that, and I could post a screenshot if there’s any doubt, but wait, you’re the only one who would doubt that, and you know better yourself. Interestingly, NOC4H — the owner of that IP you are posting from for the second time, located in Tampa — runs a proxy here. I’d wager you’re using that. But in any case, the claim you’ve had “no problems” connecting surely looks spurious when you (a) haven’t yet connected/commented from your stable home IP, and (b) *have* connected only from an IP in Tampa. Yeah, sure you had no problems… whatever. Given your penchant for anxious deceit, I don’t think anyone has a reason to believe this claim of yours.

    Are you really so obsessed with me, or my site, that you *have to* connect via proxy? Mark, that means you’re still stalking me, in essence, but hiding it. Of course you’re happy to leave things as they are, given that you get to continue with this obsession of yours. I’m asking you once more: could you please stop visiting my webpage? That, too, was part of our “understanding,” and the only thing I’ve written about here in any form is your continued attempts to access the site.

    PS: I noticed you tried again. The count for attempted connections from your home IP went up to 33 attempts today. But I bet you want me to think that’s coincidence too.

  6. William G on March 14th, 2009 8:58 pm

    As someoen who has had more than his fair share of internet phsychotics houding him:

    Shut them off and ignore.

    They don’t go away. No, no, no… They wouldn’t be psychotics if they got the hint… But it becomes second nature to you, and eventually you stop even taking the time to laugh at them in emails with your friends.

    You know the old saying “Wrestling with pigs only gets you covered in their shit”?

    Trust me, the only way to win is to not play.

  7. gordsellar on March 15th, 2009 2:53 pm

    William,

    Good advice. No more time on the internet idiots. (The very minimal pleasure I get from pointing out obvious lies or inconsistencies simply doesn’t make up for the annoyance, stress, and wasted time.)

    Thanks, William.

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