Reuters (HOLLYWOOD) Jimmy Felching, the official representative of the RIMPAA (the new organization formed by the merger of the RIAA and the MPAA) announced this morning that the new organization has filed a claim against the entire nation of Somalia in their renewed war against “piracy.” Indeed, Felching urged President Obama to “help bring and end to piracy, even if violent means are necessary.”On being informed by a reporter at the press conference that this was “real piracy, not just downloading crappy flicks and tunes,” Felching turned red and left the room amid a chorus of laughter and jeers. No fewer than five objects of fresh produce (and several rotten ones) were hurled at him during his exit. He was struck by at least four of them, according to eyewitnesses in the front row.
A twelve year old girl claiming to be his daughter returned a minute later, saying, “April Fools Day, my daddy says he fooled ya!” She soon admitted that her daddy had told her to say this and that it didn’t make sense given that it was now April 14th, but had inexplicably broken out into sobs and had taken no less than three shots from a whiskey bottle before sending her out to speak for him.
When several reporters opined that her daddy was a felching idiot who was working for even bigger idiots, the young lady agreed. “But don’t tell my mommy,” she said. “It would break her heart.”