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Spoilers

What the hell is it with people who complain about spoilers online?

First off, I’ve never felt that knowing some detail or other before reading a book or seeing a movie has ever “spoiled” it for me.

Bad directing, that’s spoiled movies for me. Plenty of movies. Bad acting? Sure! Bad writing? Oh, too many, believe me.

But knowing ahead of time, that somehow usually doesn’t bother me. It certainly doesn’t “spoil” the experience of the film. Maybe it’s because the majority of films are so predictable anyway. I’m developing a sense that most films are made the way newspaper articles are written: for the reading level of a 12-year-old. Most films these days have very clear hints for almost everything, and very few twists take me by surprise anymore. Sometimes, I say, “Ah, that option. Okay. I think it might go the other way,” but I very rarely say, “Oh my God! I never saw that coming!”

Or maybe it’s because, frankly, it matters much more to me how stories are told than what the content of the story is. There are very few truly original stories to begin with, and most of those have not made it into film anyway, so as far as I’m concerned, if we’re telling the same stories over and over, it’s how it’s told that determines whether a movie is good or bad. And all the adjectives in the world—dark, edgy, bleak, triumphant, jarring, silly—cannot spoil that because it’s purely experiential. Like if someone said, “Oh, Guernica, it’s really chaotic…” Would that spoil the painting for you? Only if you’re a moron.

Lastly, I have to say that people who haven’t seen a film shouldn’t go about on the internet, looking at articles and reviews about the movie, if they’re likely to find that learning information about it will “spoil it” for them. It’s juvenile to make such a big deal out of it, it’s juvenile to expect other people to warn you when they’re going to discuss something in depth. I am writing my website for you, but at the same time, I am writing it for many people, and for people who will come to it later.

So if you don’t want a film or book spoiled, don’t read a review of it. Skip it and come back later. And if it’s a good film or book, it’s good for more reasons than just the odd plot twist or surprise thrown in, and the “spoilers” won’t “spoil” it for you at all.

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