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Chuck Norris: The IQ of a Bowl of Broccoli Soup.

Or clam chowder, maybe.

Today, I was explaining to my students that considering the authoritativeness of a source can be useful. There’s no reason to quote a magician on science, or a priest on biochemistry, because usually they don’t have authority in these areas.

And then, via A pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floors of silent seas, I discover that among the sary, sad, freakish twits of American TV and film who’ve Found the Lord and Taken Up Ministry, we can find not only that annoying guy who played the brother on Growing Pains, but also… yes… Chuck Norris.

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: “There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.” It’s funny. It’s cute. But here’s what I really think about the theory of evolution: It’s not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.

Because, you know, he can kick the crap out of people. And he’s been in downright shite television shows. So you should really listen to him when he says that evolution never happened. Because Chuck Norris obviously knows something about… religion or science? No, wait, he’s an action movie star. Forget it. Ignore the car crash, move right along. He’s just a brain-dead Hollywood actor. Nothing to see here but wasted grey matter.

No, wait, this authoritativeness thing… this reliance on scholars and people who actually know something… it’s silly. I think I’ll go ask a punk rock drummer for advice about stock investments. Or maybe ask a cafe barista to help me figure out this pain in my spleen. Or, hey, why not ask the ajumma at the kimchi shop how I can learn to touch-type? Because, you know, I’m that bloody credulous, Chuck.

Ah well, PZ Myers, as usual, kicks him right back in the face… with the power of his mind.

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