Teacher Training One-Liners

For now I have no photos to share, and I may not for a while (since they were taken on film and I need to get Trisha her scanner very soon), but yesterday we marked the final exam for the teacher training workshop we gave at Wonkwang University. The test consisted of a role play in which teachers were supposed to use a number of spoken-English elements from previous classes.

Some amazing things happened, including a skit where one of the other teachers was lampooned with loving respect, and where I (for whatever reason) was played as a gangster killer who hooked up with the woman he was hired to kill. There were vampires, goblins, mental patients, and even the most amazing what-if cannabis story ever (Romeo and Juliet as it should have happened).

There were some amazing lines among the ten roleplays that were performed, and here are the highlights (according to my memory, anyway, which is flawed at best):

– “Oh please don’t kill me, Goblins! I have a wife… who looks like a rabbit! Or a wolf! Or a tiger!”
– “We’re not scared of silver! We are ULTRA CAPTION JJANG GOBLINS!”
– “You were not a bird in your past life. You were a pile of dung!” (patient, responding to hypnotist:) “No I wasn’t! I am beautiful! You are the crap!”
– (Vampire wife, holding up flung garlic:) “Ha!!!! You think that hurts us? Look at this…” [Holds up box and reads label:] “GARLIC AND HEALTH! MAEUL CHOEUN SENG HIMI DRINK! Hahaha! We have been drinking this for 2 years now! It’s very healthy! Thank you for more garlic! Honey, I’ve decided, I am have a barbecue tomorrow!” (garlic being used with barbecued pork a lot in Korea)
– (Vampire hunters from the same skit, looking at their worthless crucifixes in shock:) “Oh no! CHRISTIAN VAMPIRES!”
– Vampires dodging bullets Matrix-style, in shades and trenchcoats and slow motion. No dialogue, just music and sounds from the audience laughing themselves sick (and some evil laughter from the vamps).
– (lonely single mother, to the corpse of a fly she has just killed and which is stuck in her palm:) “Oh, poor fly, your life is like mine, meaningless and alone. Please live forever inside my body.” (consumes dead fly)
– (blind old man trying to prove his identity on national TV:) “Yes, I can the dance. Like a dog!”
– “Listen, Romeo, Juliet, you don’t need to die. Just be cool and try this…” (Apothecary hands Juliet a 4-foot-long marijuana toke.) “Ooooooh, crazy, no no no…” (says Juliet, until she’s forced to puff some, and then:) “OHHHHHHHHHHH, good! Romeo, you try!”
– (nun to other nuns, looking upward:) “No, no, let’s not give up. God’s watching us. Let’s sing harder.”
– (man in drag) “NOT TOUCH! I am not some PLAYBOY BUNNY RABBIT for you!”
– (woman in male-farmer drag making an advance on man in supermodel drag): “My wife is not anymore often in the mood, so…”
– (ugly woman in drag, screaming at (freeze-framed) pretty woman with horror show makeup on, as internal monologue:) “You are SO UGLY! You must go to Plastic Hospital! You need Plastic Operation!”

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