I love smackdowns. Textual ones, anyway. Adam Lipscomb used to excel at them on an online mailing list where I first met him (ah, the sordid little story of that… ah, never mind). Actually, he still excels at them. I take immense pleasure in Adam’s smackdowns because basically, he and I have the same politics. The difference is that in the case of a disagreement with, say, you, I’ll just calmly unpack all the facts and implications that prove you’re an idiot, at length, tirelessly. (Well, tiredly too, sometimes.)
Adam, he does things a little differently. Differently like a butcher might. He froths and rails and screams and sometimes he even entertains fantasies about killing. He waves a textual knife about and points at bits of bigots, asking if they wanna lose that first.
He has style. Style is on his side. Style, and gleeful hate.
For the record, and for the benefit of any law enforcement officials who might be reading this, from the time I met him in person, I don’t think they’re real fantasies about killing, but I sometimes wish they were, as long as Adam could frame some Republican senator for the killings so that he could stay out of jail and raise his kids, hang out with Melissa, and blog more ranting, seething hatred of stupidity. Problem is, if he seriously went about reducing the population of bigoted, stupid, violent, racist, anti-gay, theocratifacist morons in America, what the hell would he blog about?
It’d be every day, like this:
We all had cereal. Except the baby. Because he can’t.
They can’t, you know. Babies.
Hmmm. There’s nobody left to hate. I think I’ll go for a walk. Need to pick up some more cereal.
People think hate’s a bad thing, but if you’re intelligent enough, and you spend a little time reading Adam’s blog, you’ll realize you, too have hate in your heart. You feel a seething hatred for bigots and the bigotry they preach. For cranially defective fundamentalists who shriek at every reminder that gays are human and America is not a theocracy. For deceitful politicians. For moronic students who try to institute a student-regulated gestapo using dime-store stickers. For the bigots who think equating feminism with lesbianism somehow constitutes a criticism of it, even though without it they wouldn’t be educated enough to spell “lesbian”. You will realize that you cannot stand these people, that their choice of beliefs is so intolerant as to be incompatible with basic respect, human rights, and human decency. You will be angry, and you will want to do something about itat the very least, mock them, help the public stock of bigotry take a dive, maybe even get out there and vote against the cynical, wheedling politicians who coddle themor, worse, agree with themat the expense of your freedoms.
Go and feel the hate. Do it regularly, it’s good for you. Go and read A Violently Executed Blog.