Saw one of my laziest students ever barrelling down the street in his car, blasting hip-hop, and this little rap took form in my mind. It’s not nice. If you’re likely to complain, don’t read the extended section. I don’t want to hear whining, complaints, or protestations.

Drivin’ down the street but you’re goin’ nowhere,
Primpin’ in the mirror with your Japanese hair—
You ain’t a student! You’re just a sucka!
Wait, on second thought, you a stupid motherf*cka!
Never even thought to give a book a second look,
Can’t pay your rent, or even f*ckin’ cook,
Nothin’ in the house to eat but ramyeon,
Sissy boy, you dead without yo’ mom…
You ain’t a student! You’re just a sucka!
Wait, on second thought, you a stupid motherf*cka!

I should make it clear that I don’t feel this way about all my students. There’s a special, small minority of guys who sit there filling time, whose efforts seem to be directed at defiantly wasting every damn won spent on the class, perhaps in defiance of English itself. They almost always wear their hair in some ugly Japanese youth-culture style, they usually can’t cook or prepare food for themselves (as they readily, or sometimes even proudly, admit in class), and almost certainly have their mothers do their laundry.

They’re a pain in the ass for any teacher, and it may not even be their fault. After all, someone who is like that has gotten away with it for twenty years, you know?

Anyway.

Next time I’ll write a rap about my good students. But today, this was what came through. Maybe I’m grouchy because the 2-L bottle of milk I bought was spoiled, and ruined completely the last bowl of cereal in the house. Argh!