The Re-ing of Vision

“The Country of the Young” is now, I’d say, about 50% of the way along tobeing completely revised. I spread out all the pages in order, stacking page 1s together, page 2s, page 3s, all the way to page 33s. Then I stacked them and went through each one. That was the line edits.

After that, I read over the crits, had dinner, and read the crits again, making a list of points I thought sensible or semi-sensible. There were three kinds of points:

  1. Yes, must do.
  2. This is something I should at least consider.
  3. This is something to think about once I reread this thing a few days after other revisions are finished.

I’ve gotten through the line edits, cut one scene and replaced it with another, rearranged some bits, cut some bits, and made fair number of things somewhat clearer, while, I think, sketching just enough of the heretofore unseen underbelly (and the underbelly’s backstory) to make things that crucial bit clearer. I think.

So now what I have left are the maybe-points (#2) and the things to consider in terms of overarching effect, etc (#3).

I also need to ask around and see whether I can’t get a cool new Korean neologism for the English “methuselah”, as in, someone who has received life-extension treatment and is neo-young. I originally went with “장수 노?” (long-lived old people) but didn’t like it, and I think “불사?” (immortal people) sounds a little too, well, non-SFnal. I know, 99.5% of my readers won’t give a damn. For this neologism, they don’t matter — I want to make that 0.5% of readers go, damn, he got it. And since my Korean just isn’t that good, I shall have to ask around. The hard bit is that most people in any language aren’t used to inventing neologisms, so… maybe I’ll have to settle for something out of a comic book?

I dunno, actually, I’d be glad of something out of a comic book. Anything that works, I suppose.

As for my submissions goal for the month, it puts me at 50% right now: I have one story submitted, and one (which I’m planning to submit electronically) getting relatively close to being ready to send out. I have time enough to get one more story up and out, maybe two if I really focus.

But for now, it’s bedtime.

4 thoughts on “The Re-ing of Vision

  1. Methuselah wasn’t actually immortal (at least not if you’re talking about the Biblical Methuselah). How about just 장수?? I think it sounds better than ?수 노?.

  2. Yeah, Methuselah wasn’t technically immortal, but it’s a neologism that’s supposed to convey both life-extension and (technically potential but not guaranteed) immortality.

    I asked Lime (I didn’t think I’d get a chance but she had the day off yesterday, time enough even to go out for dinner at a great little Indian place in Dongdaemun) and she said she thought that 부사? was a good term, because of the connotation derived from magical creatures whose names also began with 부사, and because, in her words, “장수 just means long-lived, not necessarily anything supernatural or technological.” But thanks for the suggestion, I do very much appreciate it!

  3. I’m betting she said 불사? rather than 부사?. If you’re going for something more supernatural (and I had no idea what you were going for, really), that’s probably a better choice. It does have a rather mystical feel to it, so keep that in mind.

    Another term you might want to consider is 불로, meaning “eternal youth” (or literally, “never growing old”). There is a mystical plant called 불로초 that is supposed to grant whoever eats it eternal youth.

    Between 불로 and 불사 you should be able to come up with something good.

  4. You’re right, I goofed it in the response, but she did indeed say 불사?. Once, when we discussed the 불가사리 series of avantgarde music concerts (I’ve only been to one, and it was awful), she told me the name was a pun implying something like incomprehensibility and how kids often mispronounce the name of a starfish or something like that.

    I think that as soon as I’d come across the term 불사? I was rooting for it since it brought to mind the mythological monster 불가사리, a beast that eats metal and lives forever. That resonance, weak as it may be, fits for me because there is something consumptive about how the methuselahs in my own story achieve their ostensible “immortality”.

    Anyway, again, thanks. Would you be interested in giving the story a quick readthrough for suggestions? Since it’s set in a future Korea, you’re as well-equipped as any Anglo I know to give me feedback on it. But it’s thirty-some pages long and I am hoping to send it out before the end of the month…

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