Ever kind of find yourself plodding along in one direction in life because it just seemed as good as any other, and then, sudden as a car crash, or a safe dropping out of the sky, you turn your head and realize you’re just on the wrong path altogether? And realize that you’d kind of intuited it all along, and begun to wonder whether your doubts were a sign of some kind of neurosis, and then, no, you realize, you were just going through the motions? You realize because of that adrenalin from the crash, or the safe falling, maybe, you when you turn your head, you realize there’s more than one direction in life? That it’s not safe, or easy, but it’s better than just plodding along a path because the path seemed to be there, available and not too risky? And ever turn around on the path and say, No, my life is not really about this. I’d rather find the path I am supposed to be on, instead of forcing some available route to suffice… and forcing myself to let it suffice.
All of this complicates things, somewhat. But, it’s better this way, too. Because moving towards trusting your instincts and intuitions and your own wishes is a way of being more authentic, and I suppose that’s really the key to being truly alive in the present, alive to yourself and the people around you.
Right, I’ll stop before this sounds too much like a self-help blog… and before I blabber about what I’m actually talking about.
WTF??!!!
We get paths? No one told me I get a PATH in life!!!
And here’s me, hacking through the metaphorical jungle of life like a big, fat dummy.
Feh.
well, there is that approach too…
Remember that episode of The Simpsons where Homer thinks he’ll die because he ate some poorly-prepared blowfish sushi that was poorly prepared because the head sushi-chef decided to fuck some lady behind the restaurant while leaving the trainee in charge of the kitchen and then the doctor gives Homer a pamphlet (“So You’re Going to Die”) and Homer resolves to live his final days to the fullest and he’s happier than he’s ever been in his life because he’s living in the moment and being himself and expressing his love freely and then he decides to listen to the Bible on Tape (narrated by Larry King) in the last dark somber hours of life because even though Marge wants him in bed with her the truth is that everybody lives and dies alone, yes alone, and the Bible is something he wants to know more about BEFORE he dies so he goes ahead and listens to it but he falls asleep and then when dawn breaks Marge thinks he’s dead but in truth he’s just asleep and drooling a little because people do that and Hallelujah It’s a Miracle and Homer has learned the secret of life that every minute is precious and not to be wasted CUT and in the next scene we watch Homer shoving chips and beer into his face while he watches celebrity bowling just like he’s always done and always will do because he’s Homer dammit and that’s just the way it is?
I’ve had that experience.
Maybe you should get a tattoo or a piercing or something.
Then I wouldn’t be able to give blood for a year, and my only human credentials are you and my blood donor coffee mugs.
Wait… was Keisha suggesting that *you* get a tattoo or piercing or something? Or me? I’m confused now… hm. I thought she meant me, so as to commemorate the experience. Well, good luck to me if I do want such a thing… think of trying to get a tattoo in 1900 in London, or for that matter a nose piercing in middle America in say 1937. That’s about the commonality of such things in Korea.
I actually have thought about getting a small tattoo for my back, though, that says something like, “Yes, I can read this,” written in Korean. Which would look like… well, hell, maybe I’ll just give that topic its own post.
Ha! I’ve heard Keisha suggest I get a tatoo so many times that I just assumed she was talking to me. Ha!