I Refuse To Answer On The Grounds That I May Incriminate Myself Or Get My Butt Kicked By Loved Ones

This week in Friday-Five-Land, it’s Adrienne’s turn to extract information. She has ways of making us talk. She asks:

What are the five Friday Five questions that you hope no one ever asks?

Are you crazy? If we answer this question, the next thing you know, our responses will start turning up as Friday Five questions!

Okay, wait, nobody ever said that we have to answer every Friday Five question posed. So I suppose revealing which questions I would refuse to answer might be alright. So let me see…

  1. [redacted] Trust me, you don’t want to know.
  2. Consider the biggest relationship failures in your life (“relationship” meaning romantic, friendship, work, or family). Of course, to some degree they were the other person’s fault. But they were also partly your own, almost certainly. In what ways were they also your fault? And what could you have done differently to make for a better outcome?
  3. What’re the five biggest mistakes you ever made in the kitchen? I would have to write about burnt salad and it’s not, not, not pretty.
  4. Everyone else is stupid, and you’re brilliant. Everyone else is lazy while you work hard. In what five ways are you a conceited bitch/bastard?
  5. Imagine that you could selfishly remake people just by touching them. If you had this power, what are five things you would change about your family members, in order to make it easier for you to get along with them?

I had some other language in that fifth point, and then I realized that hey, that would be a really neat idea for a book! A novel about psychological horror of a postmodern kind. I think I shall write it!

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