If I Were One of the Faeries in Sleeping Beauty…

This week’s Friday Five from the musings of Laura at Green Boogers:

I was watching Disney’s Sleeping Beauty the other night, while leafing through an old storybook for the original story, and I found myself snorting at the gifts the precious little princess got – gifts of beauty and song, virtue and kindness – So very useful. What five gifts would you give the fateful little princess?

Woah. This one just blew me off course. I didn’t know she got any gifts, actually. I had to look online for a version of the story, and among the ones on this page, I found the following phrase in the Perreault version:

In the meanwhile all the fairies began to give their gifts to the princess. The youngest gave her for gift that she should be the most beautiful person in the world; the next, that she should have the wit of an angel; the third, that she should have a wonderful grace in everything she did; the fourth, that she should dance perfectly well; the fifth, that she should sing like a nightingale; and the sixth, that she should play all kinds of music to the utmost perfection.

Now, I don’t think those are particularly bad gifts to have, at all, but since the order is for new gifts, I shall try to accommodate the Princess with the virtues most fitting our contemporary world. I supose this is the magical chant I would sing with my faerie sidekicks, in granting the faerie her (five) gifts:

Of all the virtues in our world,
compassion cometh first;
for those who lack it, oftenmost
turn out the very worst.
Those with cold hearts I cannot bear
to lead the nation-state,
they build their lands on ruinous sands:
mad taxes, death, and hate.

And next, our little princess shall
have patience when she waits,
be it with commonfolk, other queens,
or fumblings on first dates.
For those who lack this virtue all
are prone to snipe and snap,
subjecting all they love each day
to the same sarcastic crap.

With money shall she ever be
immune to all nonsenses
,
and steer her life financially
aware of wheres and whences.
She’ll neither think it all the world,
nor something to refuse;
Like anything, gold can be an ill
but also has its use.

She’ll walk with confidence utmost,
not arrogance, please note;
she’ll have faith in herself no matter what,
but pride shan’t sink her boat.
For confidence, my mortal friends,
is not about what “I can.”
Rather, confidence should be
just knowing “who I am.”

And lastly, for this little one
a gift of useful skill;
facility with all type of
computers
shall serve well.
T’was once a time in this fair land
when spindles-skills sufficed;
but now it is the modern age,
and we live modern life.

May all the magic in this land
from fairy and man and wife,
bless this little child and grant
these blessings to her for life;
and blessed be this little child,
whose little wriggling form
lies beautiful before me here,
a new life, unadorned.

And then I would chow down off the gold plates and see if I could get away with hauling a gold plate back to my fae kingdom. Just for the hell of it.

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